Easter Bunny Still Way Too High to go to Work Today

BOSTON, MA – The Easter Bunny called in sick to work this morning, citing an unspecified illness. Sources close to the Easter Bunny, however, say that the furry purveyor of candy and toys is still way too high to go work after consuming marijuana edibles yesterday in commemoration of 4/20. Santa Claus, a close friend of the Easter Bunny said, “Yeah, last night we bought a few chocolate bunny edibles, and the guy at the dispensary said to eat one, but the Easter Bunny ate three, so I’d guess he’s still pretty stoned right now.” Santa recalled that around 2 A.M. last night the Easter Bunny was staring off into space on his couch saying “Do you think rabbits have an Easter Human?” before going on a 30-minute rant about how corporations invented holidays. The Easter Bunny’s manager at Overnight Child Gift Services, LLC, a division of Nestlé S.A., declined to comment for this story, but it was rumored that the Tooth Fairy would be filling in for the Easter Bunny this year despite still being a little hungover herself.

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