WASHINGTON, D.C. – Over the weekend, the United States, the most powerful nation in the history of the world, expressed sheer terror that a 3-year-old Guatemalan child named Enrique, was attempting to enter the country with his family, who were hoping to seek asylum in the U.S. after fleeing gang violence in their native country. Despite having the planet’s largest economy and most powerful military, the United States still somehow managed to lose its collective shit over the fact that this tiny Guatemalan toddler was trying to come to the United States in search of a better life. The U.S., a global leader in science and technology thanks to centuries of immigration, inexplicably detained the child, fearing that this small, innocent human was somehow going to destroy everything the United States stood for. Seemingly oblivious to the fact that America has long been a refuge for those fleeing violence and poverty all over the world, the good ‘ol U.S. of A. was, for some strange reason, under the false impression that allowing this young Central American migrant to get an education, work hard, and become a productive member of society – as virtually all immigrants do – would completely unravel the fabric of American society. Although nothing has been decided yet, it is likely that The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave will send Enrique and his family back to an uncertain fate in their home country, all based on the ludicrous assumption that helping a young human being escape from a live of abject poverty will somehow totally ruin the immigrant-built nation that is the United States of America.