LOS ANGELES, CA – Shortly after announcing the list of Oscar Nominees, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences issued a statement saying that their decision not to nominate Greta Gerwig for Best Director was done in fairness to other talented women directors the Academy has snubbed in previous years. “We could not, in good conscience, nominate Greta Gerwig for her phenomenal work on Little Women after failing to nominate so many other talented women in years past,” said Academy member Julian Von Oldenburg. “We at the Academy are committed to equality, which is why we chose to snub Greta Gerwig the same exact way we snubbed Ava DuVernay a few years ago. By the same token, we’ve already nominated Martin Scorsese 8 times, even for middling work like The Aviator, so it was only fair that we nominate him again this year. It just boils down to equity,” added Von Oldenburg.
Several other Academy members expressed surprise at the backlash they’ve received this week, citing that a woman already won an Oscar for Best Director 10 years ago. “I’m shocked that people are still upset at our supposed lack of recognition for talented women directors when we gave the award to a woman just a decade ago,” said Academy member Jefferon McElder. “Honestly, it’s almost as if people are expecting incremental change towards equal representation instead of our time-honored, deeply entrenched bigotry peppered with the occasional pat-ourselves-on-the-back moment. Strange,” mused McElder.
At press time, the Academy had also released a statement explaining why they snubbed talented women directors of color this year like Melina Matsoukas and Lulu Wang, but most Americans were too focused on Greta Gerwig to notice.