DES MOINES, IA – Shortly after the news broke that the Iowa Democratic party had bungled the Iowa Caucus results due to a malfunction in a brand new, barely tested app they were using to tally the results, it became abundantly clear that nation’s best chance for democracy lies in the hope that the mishandling of the caucus results was just the consequence of pure stupidity on the part of Democratic party leadership, and not a diabolical plot to derail progressive candidates as multiple conspiracy theories have suggested.
These conspiracy theorists have been quick to point out that the company that developed the app, Shadow, has an ominous sounding name and therefore must hint at some sort of sinister subterfuge on the part of the Democratic party.
In response, Iowa Democratic party spokeswoman, Linda Rogers of Des Moines, defended her party saying “We assure you, this was not some malevolent scheme. We are just really dumb.”
When we spoke to Iowa voters about the statement, most seemed to agree that the mishandling of the results was likely just another in a long list of signs that the Democratic party is simply incompetent rather than genuinely evil. “Yeah, that tracks,” said a voter who wished to remain anonymous. This notion has given hope to the idea that the democratic institutions that have been tarnished by the Trump administration, can still be restored come November, and that the political system can still be a vehicle for positive change, even if it means putting faith in a party that can’t even use an app.