Harvard, MIT Enact Strict ‘Go Fucking Get Sick Somewhere Else’ Policies Amid COVID-19 Outbreak

CAMBRIDGE, MA – In response to the ongoing worldwide COVID-19 outbreak, both Harvard and MIT announced they would be implementing strict ‘Go Fucking Get Sick Somewhere Else’ policies, informing students that they would have to find alternate accommodations starting next week. In a letter on Tuesday, MIT President Rafael Reif notified students of the decision saying, “starting March 17, all students will be required to fuck off to some other fucking place. Where? We couldn’t fucking care less.”

Harvard President Larry Bacow issued a similar statement, saying: 

“Look. We’re not gonna be the ones left holding the bag when shit hits the fan, okay? So all of you just fuck off back to Seattle, or Iran, or Italy, or wherever the fuck you came from and go get sick there because we’d honestly just rather not deal with that shit.”

Echoing the actions of other colleges across the country, Harvard and MIT made it clear that students were not about to cause them a bunch of PR headaches by getting sick on their campuses, and instead would just have to go get sick in whatever backwater towns they came from. When asked about whether or not forcing students to travel in the midst of an outbreak was a good idea, especially considering that some students might be going home to potentially unstable housing situations or to countries with massive COVID-19 caseloads, MIT President Reif said simply, “do I look like I give a fuck?”

Both Reif and Bacow did add that their schools would be making exceptions for some students but that those decisions would have to be handled on a case by case basis and weighed against the potential impact to their multi-billion dollar endowments.

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