BOSTON, MA – As the statewide lockdown approached a second full month, local Masshole Mikey Rogers expressed his longing to get back out on the roads so he could be a dick to other drivers once again. “I’ve been workin’ from home for the last two months and it frickin’ sucks. All I wanna do is get in my cah, ride someone’s bumpah, and honk until they move ovah to the slow lane,” said the 32-year-old father of three. “I’d give anything for Chahlie Baykah to end this frickin’ lockdown so I can staht flippin’ off othah drivahs again,” he added. At press time, Rogers said that, should the lockdown be lifted, he would refrain from tailgating behind ambulances for the time being out of respect for first responders, but only until the number of COVID-19 cases is under control, after which he said it was fair game.