BUFFALO, NY – Shortly after news broke that all 57 officers of the Buffalo Emergency Response Team had resigned in response to the suspension of two officers for shoving a 75-year-old man to the ground, every single resident of Buffalo was reportedly lamenting the news completely sarcastically.
“A bunch of cops who think violently shoving elderly folks is okay are now no longer going to be patrolling the streets? That’s sooooo terrible!’ said 58-year-old Buffalonian Antonio Lopez between bouts of uncontrollable laughter.
“What’re we going to do without all those violent thugs on the city’s payroll? I’m quaking in my boots!’ exclaimed 26-year-old Samantha McArthur, her hands on her knees in an attempt to stifle her unbridled giggles. “Boy, we sure are in trouble now! Watch out! They really…I’m sorry…phew…I need a minute…ooooh Lord I can’t with these fools, I really can’t. Woooo. Okay, I’m fine…I’m fine…but I mean…they really think…oooh chil’…I’m sorry, I just…I simply cannot…no I’m fine, really, I’m good,” added Brown before having to sit down to catch her breath.
At press time, Buffalo mayor Byron Brown praised the officers, saying that, in a way, the officers were fulfilling the goals outlined by progressive activists of shrinking the size of the Buffalo Police Department.
Image credit: Jason Lawrence c/o Flickr, file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license