Local Woodchuck Can’t Chuck Wood For Shit

BOSTON, MA – During a chat with a chum about his wood chucking challenges, local woodchuck, Chuck Woods, chitchatted about his inchoate wood chucking woes. “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Not a whit,” chimed Woods, chalking it up to his chubby arms. Woods’ pepper pickler pal Peter Piper piped up to pontificate on the point, positing that perhaps the quadruped’s problem was posture, but this was promptly disproven. At press time, Piper proposed his prairie paisan practice pitching planks to improve but Woods the woodchuck would not be won over with his workmate’s words of wisdom.


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