OTTAWA, CANADA – With the news of a possible constitutional crisis brewing in the neighboring country to their south, Canadian immigration officials began preparing for a possible influx of refugees fleeing across the border in early November.
“We share a border with a country plagued by gun violence, preventable disease, rampant income inequality, and a corrupt government brutally cracking down on dissidents and undermining democratic elections. In other words, a shithole,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau at a press conference on Friday.
“And let’s face it, their country isn’t exactly full of model citizens. They’re rapists, murderers, and some, we assume, are good people,” continued Trudeau, before adding, “But that said, of course we are going to welcome these refugees fleeing a violent, corrupt kleptocracy in search of a better life. After all, we know from experience that the vast majority of them are going to come here and work hard. So helping them achieve the Canadian Dream is not just the right thing to do, it’s also a smart move for our country. That’s kind of a no-brainer.”
Although Trudeau was happy to answer questions about immigration, when pressed about the steps his administration is taking to address climate change, the Prime Minister declined to comment.
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