“I got up this morning, and as I was checking my fantasy football stats, it just sort of hit me that, when you think about it, football is just 22 guys in spandex passing a ball back and forth for 3 hours,” said 32-year-old Tyler Reynolds of Oklahoma City.

“Never heard of the Chilean Lake District? Good. Go book a vacation there and completely fucking ruin the tranquil beauty of that part of South America,” said Travel and Leisure writer Kevin Schumann.

“I was wracking my brain trying to come up with something, but our democracy is in shambles, climate change is coming for all of us whether we like it or not, and The Good Place is on its final season, so I was pretty much out of ideas,” said Jill Montgomery

“Why the hell were they considering someone like Julia Roberts, who in no way resembles the real Harriet Tubman, when they could have been considering Jennifer Lawrence, who would’ve been perfect for the role of Harriet Tubman?” said outraged film aficionado Kate Morse.

“I know there are a lot of other candidates, like Cory Booker, and Tom Steyer who are also in the running for a 2020 book deal, but make no mistake, I’m your guy,”

BOSTON, MA – As more and more streaming services launch, including, most recently, Disney+, millions of millennials across the country have reportedly been giving up streaming services altogether in favor of cable television. “Netflix, Hulu, HBO Now, Amazon Prime, YouTube TV, CBS All Access, Apple TV+, Criterion Channel, MUBI, Crunchyroll, Sling TV, Twitch, and now Disney+? Honestly, who […]

BRAINTREE, MA – Shortly after her lunch break, Braintree resident Tiffany DeSouza had a sudden moment of panic when she looked at her phone and realized today was Thursday. “Shit! How the fuck is it Thursday already?” said the 35-year-old architect to herself as she frantically checked her calendar and discovered there were numerous things she was supposed […]