Area Woman Could Have Sworn Today Was Wednesday

BRAINTREE, MA – Shortly after her lunch break, Braintree resident Tiffany DeSouza had a sudden moment of panic when she looked at her phone and realized today was Thursday. “Shit! How the fuck is it Thursday already?” said the 35-year-old architect to herself as she frantically checked her calendar and discovered there were numerous things she was supposed […]

Comedian Outraged His Material From 90’s No Longer Kills

BOSTON, MA – After a recent set at Laugh Boston, veteran stand up comic Devin McRustin was reportedly outraged at the fact that his material from the 1990’s was no longer getting the kinds of laughs it used to. “Cancel culture is really taking it’s toll on the comedy scene” lamented Devin, “you can’t call Rosie O’Donnell a […]

Tourist Can’t Wait to Come Home and Reminisce About Vacation on Instagram

LONDON, ENGLAND – During a recent vacation to London, Dorchester resident Jerome McNally couldn’t wait to return home to reminisce about his vacation on Instagram. “I can’t wait to come home so I can look at all of the great pictures I took during my trip,” said the 29-year-old data scientist. “As I was posing next to Big […]

Patriots Release Antonio Brown Citing Strict One Felony Policy

FOXBOROUGH, MA – On Friday the New England Patriots released wide receiver Antonio Brown, citing their strict one felony policy after a second woman came forward with allegations of sexual assault. “Here at the Patriots organization, we take it very seriously any time a member of our staff, coaches, or players commits a second major crime. So when […]

Fear Something in Near Future Might Trigger Recession About to Trigger Recession

NEW YORK, NY – As worries about a possible upcoming recession reached an all time high, it became clear that those same fears of an upcoming recession would soon trigger an actual recession. “I’m predicting a recession some time in the next eighteen months” said Merrill Lynch financial advisor Bakari Jackson, “which is why I’m advising all of […]

10,000 College-Aged Men All Convinced Wellesley Party Will Have Great Guy-Girl Ratio

WELLESLEY, MA – Shortly before Wellesley College’s annual Remix party, roughly 10,000 area male college students were reportedly anticipating that the party would have a great guy-girl ratio. “Wellesley is an all-women’s college, so there are gonna be way more women than men at this party!” thought 10,000 heterosexual college-aged men simultaneously, hours before heading to the party […]

American College Student Can’t Wait to Hang Out With Other Americans During Semester Abroad in Paris

BOSTON, MA – During a recent conversation with her friends, 20-year-old Boston College Junior Emily Brown expressed her excitement at the prospect of hanging out with other American college students during her upcoming semester abroad in Paris. “I can’t wait to walk along the banks of the Seine with other Americans, sit outside a café sipping a cappuccino […]

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