Donald Trump Claimed Ben Carson as Dependent on 2018 Tax Returns

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A recent leak from the White House revealed that President Trump claimed Department of Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson as a dependent on his 2018 Tax Returns in order to receive a Dependent Care Tax Credit. The president allegedly justified his decision to white house staffers, saying “Ben Carson is totally reliant on […]

Texas Tech Basketball Player Pretty Pissed at God After NCAA Championship Game Loss

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – In a post-game interview, Texas Tech senior point guard Antoine McMillan expressed his frustration with God after a heartbreaking overtime loss to the University of Virginia in the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament on Monday night saying “We worked hard this entire season, we came out here and played our hearts out, but unfortunately […]

Retiring Driver’s Ed Instructor Fondly Looks Back on Legacy of Putting 3,000 Massholes on Road

MEDFORD, MA – After a career spanning four decades, Massachusetts Driver’s Ed Instructor Pete Santorelli announced he was finally retiring after putting over 3,000 Massholes on Massachusetts roads. Santorelli looked backed warmly on his legacy of letting thousands of reckless, angry Massachusetts drivers loose on state thoroughfares saying “For the past 35 years I’ve gone to work every […]

Two Month Championship Drought Really Taking Toll on Boston Sports Fan

BOSTON, MA – Local sports fan Travis McGinty, 27, was reportedly distraught at the fact that it’s been over two months since any professional Boston sports teams has won a national championship. McGinty, who was spotted in a morose state downing beers at a local tavern in Malden, mumbled “I can’t believe not a single team in Boston […]

Elizabeth Warren Announces Plan to Run as Black Man in 2020 Election

BOSTON, MA – Senator and presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren announced that, should she win the 2020 Democratic primary, she will run her presidential campaign as an African-American man. In a statement to the press, the Massachusetts Democrat stated “I am proud of my family ancestry which traces our lineage back to a male ancestor 150,000 years ago somewhere […]

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