WASHINGTON, D.C. – Over the weekend, the United States, the most powerful nation in the history of the world, expressed sheer terror that a 3-year-old Guatemalan child named Enrique, was attempting to enter the country with his family, who were hoping to seek asylum in the U.S. after fleeing gang violence in their native country. Despite having the […]
Easter Bunny Still Way Too High to go to Work Today
BOSTON, MA – The Easter Bunny called in sick to work this morning, citing an unspecified illness. Sources close to the Easter Bunny, however, say that the furry purveyor of candy and toys is still way too high to go work after consuming marijuana edibles yesterday in commemoration of 4/20. Santa Claus, a close friend of the Easter […]
Donald Trump Claimed Ben Carson as Dependent on 2018 Tax Returns
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A recent leak from the White House revealed that President Trump claimed Department of Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson as a dependent on his 2018 Tax Returns in order to receive a Dependent Care Tax Credit. The president allegedly justified his decision to white house staffers, saying “Ben Carson is totally reliant on […]
Texas Tech Basketball Player Pretty Pissed at God After NCAA Championship Game Loss
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – In a post-game interview, Texas Tech senior point guard Antoine McMillan expressed his frustration with God after a heartbreaking overtime loss to the University of Virginia in the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament on Monday night saying “We worked hard this entire season, we came out here and played our hearts out, but unfortunately […]